My Story Part 2: How I became passionately ME

Continued from Part 1.


I was coming through what seemed like the worst period of my life, professionally and personally. It seemed that my career was crashing down around me, I was losing the ability to function, and SMUD was running my life.


Luckily, it was Christmas time and I had 3 weeks vacation to take.  I thought having time off would help me unwind, and I would be ready to face the work world again once I was back.  However, my vacation was anything but relaxing.  I was so anxious that I was having panic attacks, and found the only place I felt safe was in my bedroom. I stopped going out with friends and stopped going out in general.  Even having dinner in a local restaurant with my husband became so stressful that I would often have to come home before we finished – or in some cases, before we even started.


When it was time to return to work in January I started to find excuses to work from home more often than usual.  I had been working continously with my therapist, seeing him once a week, but it was clear that I was in serious trouble. We both agreed that a leave of absence was in my best interest. Misoprostol generic I was now battling my second episode of depression (and now anxiety) in a 10 year span.


I was so anxious that I had problems even getting on anti-depressants. I was afraid of how the medication would make me feel, even though I had been on them previously.  I started…then stopped….then started…and stopped.  Finally, I began again on a very small dose, just so that I could gain confidence that I would be okay on the meds. Horad Barysaw Wow, what a hold SMUD had on me.  Almost every thought I had at that point was something to make me afraid of anything and everything.  I thought I would never be able to get back to normal.  I wish I knew then what I know now….which is only six months later!!!!


The next two months I spent trying to getting up to a therapeutic dose of antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication. At the same time, I was working on rebuilding my confidence just to do normal things; going for a ride in the car, going to the store, and going out to eat.  I was fortunate to have a supportive family that didn’t judge me and stood by my side with whatever progress I made (no matter how small).


It took time, but I did start to make progress.  I began to think of ways how I could help myself relax and free myself from the massive amounts of anxiety that I suffered from.  My family, friends, and my doctor gave me suggestions; take a yoga class, take a walk on the beach, be in nature, use relaxation techniques, try meditation, exercise, watch a funny movie.  They were all very good ideas and I purchase Lyrica online did try them.  It felt good to do those things while I was doing them, but yet I felt like it wasn’t enough to make a difference, and there was never any lasting effect.  I was frustrated and a mess!


Not only was I desperate to get relief from my unhealthy self, but I was also battling thoughts about my job and career.  After being out of the work environment for a few months, I was able to take a step back and realize why I was struggling with my job.  I felt like such a failure at my current job because SMUD constantly reminded me that I was no good at it.  Despite the uphill battle, I continued to soul search how I could deal with SMUD and the debilitating thoughts he played over and over in my head.   Summoning all my strength, I came up with a strategy: hire a life coach!  So, off I went to the computer to search for a life coach.  It didn’t take me too long to come up with several options.  However, there was one other that peaked my interest – a coach from the mid west.  It was the content of her website that grabbed me, “What would it be like……to know what career will be the most fulfilling to you? …to have meaningful work where you can make a difference?…to see the line between who you are and what you do vanish?……to easily bring your best self to work every day?”.  I felt like this woman could read my mind.  As I explored her site further I came to find out she too was once in the corporate world – how perfect, someone who has “been there, done that”!


So, for a small fee I requested an introductory session.  About a week later I went into the session with absolutely no expectations.  It turned out to be the most positive experience; talking about who I was, what my values were, and how I pictured my ideal life without SMUD.  I came away with genuine excitement and enthusiasm – something I haven’t felt for many years.  After that session I had some serious thinking to do.  I knew I was going to go through with hiring a coach, I just had to decide which one.  At the end of the day I knew it was a “no brainer”.  I said to my husband, “I have no idea what to expect or if this coaching will help at all.  It might even be a big waste of money BUT I feel that this is the right choice. I am not exactly sure why, but I am being called to go with the women out west”.  And so I did!


As it turned out, it was the best decision I have ever made.  (Okay, the second best next to marrying my husband.)  In 4 short months my life has been forever changed.  I went from being a woman with low self esteem who was negative about almost everything, constantly complaining how horrible things in life were, to a confident woman who is grateful for many, many things and can see the benefits the universe has provided even out of the very most difficult struggles and painful experiences.


At this point in my life I can honestly say that I am happy.  I am now contantly making life choices in favor of my passions (this website being one of them). Finding what means the most in my life, in other words, my passions, has opened up a new way of living that I never could have otherwise imagined! If I can be truly happy, anyone can!  Therefore, I want to share this experience of living passionately (and what it means to me) with everyone.  I want to encourage those who don’t already live passionately to take the necessary steps to do so.  And for those who are already living passionately, I want this to be a place to share your passions and grow them bigger and deeper.


I invite everyone to share your story, no matter where you are on your journey!  A community of love and support awaits! I am so excited to spread passionate living, how about you?

Suzanne HermusMy Story Part 2: How I became passionately ME